After my divorce, I kept my ex-husband's last name. And a lot of people (including my ex-husband) have been asking me about that choice lately. I certainly have my reasons for making this choice.
ONE: It was my choice. Our separation was not my choice. Our divorce was not my choice. Even the terms of the divorce, while I drew them up, had to be approved by my ex and were, therefore, not completely my choice. What to call myself was one of the decisions I was allowed to make unilaterally during the divorce process.
TWO: I've had this name nearly my entire adult life. I got married at 20. In the year and four months I was married, I made a lot of headway on making contacts for my career. I did an internship with an organization in my field. I wrote articles with my married name on the by-line. I applied to (and was accepted into) law and graduate schools. All of the people involved in those events -- attorneys I worked with at my internship, people who read my writings (and people who google my name), graduate schools -- all of those people know me by my married name.
My maiden name was associated with my juvenile identity. Now, it's not even associated with me: When you google my maiden name, it brings up photos of some Canadian teenager (who ironically seems to currently live in the city where I attended college). That name is no longer mine.
THREE: I wasn't fond of my maiden name. My maiden name belonged to my father. My relationship with my father is about as rocky as my relationship with my ex-husband. A huge part of why I took my ex-husband's name to begin with was because I didn't want to keep my father's name. This aversion to my maiden name endured after divorce.
FOUR: It's MY name. I've decided to claim this name. It's MY name. It's not my ex-husband's. It's not his family's. It's mine. I have created my own persona attached to this name. And that is all my own.
Perhaps most important, though, is the fact that a name is really, really personal, and I shouldn't actually have to share any of my reasons with anyone.
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