Dating Without Intent to Marry

I saw this on Facebook today:

I used to agree wholeheartedly. I believed in practicing courtship, in which the entire intent of the relationship is to see if you will make good lifetime spouses. This is how I dated my exes in high school, how I dated my most recent ex.

But this isn't how I date anymore.

You see, I've found that a lot of pressure comes with dating with intent to marry. At least for me, dating with intent to marry forces one into this place of constant forward-thinking, questioning, and second guessing:

"Can I see myself with this person in the future? In 5 years? In 10 years? In FIFTY years???"
"Is he really right for me?"
"Does he love me as much as I love him?"
"What if ____?"

I'll admit that some questioning of that nature is healthy. There is a certain amount of reflection and thinking about the future that I believe is necessary to keep oneself from continuing a relationship that may not be the best situation.

But, for me, keeping marriage as an end-goal for relationships puts these questions in a position of undue paramountcy. Instead of the relationship revolving around the here and now, around the relationship, this type of thinking makes the relationship revolve around what could be. And that isn't healthy.

In fact, I think even having marriage as a goal for myself (even if it's not a goal to specifically marry the person whom I'm currently in a relationship) keeps me from being happy with myself and my life as it is now.

For this and other reasons, I've decided I'm not 100% sure marriage is for me. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't, but I'll cross that bridge if/when I come to it.

At the same time, there are some parts of this type of courtship that I still hold dear. I still wholeheartedly believe that when you are dating someone, your [romantic/sexual/intimate] focus should be 100% on that one person.*

While I am completely aware that I may date other people in the future, I'm not planning for those relationships any more than I'm planning to marry my current boyfriend. Planning for my future relationships (which, you know, may or may not actually happen) sort of defeats the purpose of dating without intent to marry. It still puts one in a forward-thinking instead of a present-living mindset.

I want my current relationship to be about right here, right now. I want it to be about the adoration I feel for my boyfriend right now. I want it to be about the way he makes me feel right now. I want it to be completely focused on us as we are right now -- not us as we might be someday.


*This probably doesn't apply in the same way to those who practice polyamory, polygamy, or who are in open relationships. I have no expertise in any of those areas. While my personal opinion is that some people thrive in these kinds of situations (YAY for them!), I am not one of those people. <3