Living in the Moment

I'm as true-blue type A personality as it gets. I love rigid organization. I'm hyper-truthful. Patience is absolutely not my strong suit. I like to be busy. I like to be in charge of projects.

Most of all, I like to plan. My bathroom mirror is almost always covered in a dry-erase checklist of things I need to achieve. It drives me nuts when my budget estimate spreadsheet isn't done a year in advance. I have to hold myself back from booking plane tickets too early.

Back in February, I started dating a guy, knowing full well that I was going to be moving out of state in August. At first, it was supposed to be casual. But I'm not good at casual. I certainly didn't mean to fall for someone, but fate took me here.

I am amazed on a daily basis at the beautiful relationship with which I am currently blessed. My man is forgiving, pushes me to step outside my comfort zone, reminds me constantly that he adores me, and makes me laugh all the time.

Over the past few months, as I have become more and more emotionally attached, I have had to really practice living in the moment. I have had to constantly remind myself that, while August and beyond is this big fat unknown when it comes to our relationship, the present is certain.

The present is happy.
The present means we are only 175 miles away from each other.
The present means getting to drive to see him every other week.
The present means looking into his gorgeous ice-blue eyes and touching his adorable, goofy laugh lines.
The present means planning camping trips, boating outings, shooting excursions.
The present means getting daily text messages wishing me goodnight and good morning.

In the present, we have a perfectly satisfying, happy relationship.

But I'm scared to death of a month from now, when I say goodbye to him, mostly because I have no idea what that goodbye is going to mean. I don't know if that goodbye is going to mean an end to our relationship, some sort of "pause," or just a transition to a (difficult but promising) long-distance relationship.

Every type A fiber of my being wants to plan the nitty-gritty of the foreseeable future. Unfortunately, it's just not that simple.

So I have to just live in the moment. I have to focus on the wonderful, patient, calming, sweet boyfriend I have now and the incredible relationship we have together today. I have to focus on that.