About a month and a half ago, I wrote about loving unconditionally. In the post, I wrote about being brokenhearted, but about how being willing to wait it out was me loving unconditionally.
I've since decided to move on from that relationship. I will probably always care about that person, but I've decided not to choose him anymore, and I'm no longer grieving the loss of our relationship.
Does that mean that I've failed at loving unconditionally? Am I somehow lesser for moving on?
I don't think so, for two reasons: First, loving unconditionally doesn't require completely avoiding hurting another person; it requires considering that person's needs in your decisions. In this case, he needed independence, which meant I needed to stop choosing him. He might be hurt by the fact that I'm not hung up on him anymore, by the fact that I'm no longer grieving, by the fact that I'm moving on, but it truly may be what he needs. And, in the long run, I believe we will both be happier.
Second, and perhaps more importantly, loving unconditionally necessarily must include love for oneself. I've been through enough abusive situations in my life to value the skill of choosing oneself over others when it is necessary. I am happy with where my life is going right now, and my happiness matters. Others might be hurt in the short-term by my life choices, but my happiness matters. I'm not suggesting complete selfishness in life, but it is important to stand up for one's needs.
Loving unconditionally doesn't mean I always have to be there for this person, in a physical, "I'm your girlfriend," committed sense. Loving unconditionally doesn't mean I have to put my life on hold or abstain from pursuing happiness. It just means that I'll always care.
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